Ever wonder some of the things that make a marriage last for over 30 years? My parents were over last night and my dad said that he challenged my mom to see who could tell the other one that they loved them more times during the day....
Mushy, but hey, it works.
January 31, 2010
Oh be careful little mouth what you say!
Something that really sticks out (and you can stick out) is a tongue. In the context of a strong marriage, the tongue is very difficult to keep controlled. In writing for this blog I wanted to write about things that would challenge me first. There have been several times where I have failed in speaking things to my wife that encourage.
Looking at what people say, the Bible often refers to it as taming of the tongue. (See the book of James if you want to understand that reference.) I know… the tongue is not what actually does the talking. The mind and the “heart” speak and the tongue, the lips, the teeth and the voice box spew it out there for people to see… I mean hear.
When looking for counsel on the way we speak to each other, I often go in and do a word search in the Book of Proverbs. That book has a LOT to say about how we should speak. But for this blog how does it apply in marriage?
Here are a couple of verses to consider:
Proverbs 15:1-4
“A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. “
Ever react to something that your spouse said and make things worse? I have struggled with this. We all get angry, but the way we express the anger is what matters most. Sometimes the gentle answer may take some time. Maybe the first few times you mess it up. Maybe you will have to gently respond several times before your spouse is able to calm down. It takes practice, but you can do it.
Let’s look at verse 2, “The tongue of the wise makes knowledge appealing, but the mouth of a fool belches out foolishness. “
Ouch….. Ok, too many times I have been the fool. You ever been around one of those people that have a really smelly burp? (Think Woody the Cowboy in Toy Story 2 when Al, the toy store owner burps in his face.) That is how you are to your spouse when you go saying stupid or mean things to them, It hurts… And often it takes some real effort to make amends. Especially with men speaking badly to their wives. Women tend to be more emotion based and will carry things in their hearts. It can drive a real wedge between spouses.
Skip to verse 4, “Gentle words are a tree of life; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.”
Think of the casualty of a crushed spirit. Is that you want for your spouse? Keep gentleness and honesty in your relationship. Honesty can be in what you say to the other person, but I think the most powerful honesty comes from being honest with yourself and how you think and treat your spouse. One of the keys to marriage is being able to love… be selfless… choose to love the other person even through their junk….. Tough.
This was the verse that rang through my mind when I was pulling this together, Proverbs 18:21, “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.”
Wow! That sounds pretty serious to me. In my own marriage, I could bring life or kill my wife by the words that I said to her. I know that I have to take that seriously. Build her up, or tear her down. What would God have me do? Obviously, build her up. I’m not perfect, but if you talk to my wife she will tell you that for the most part I build her up, I encourage her, I feed her ideas and dreams, I try to pull the best out of her…. And she does the same for me.
As I was just reading for this entry I was checking the context of the verse. If you have read Proverbs you know that sometimes there is a bit of a bouncing around that Solomon does, and it seems like he had ADD or something. But then I looked at the next verse…. SO life and death are in the tongue, and then this, “The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord.”
Amazing! If you build up your wife, and you cherish her, then you treat her like the treasure that God intended her to be. So great! Make your words match what you want your spouse to be. Do you want them to be bitter and angry and mean? Well treat them that way. Of course that wouldn’t be God’s way. Do you want then to be gentle and kind and patient…. (See 1 Corinthians 13)? Then love them. Pray for them. Pour into them…especially with your words.
Looking at what people say, the Bible often refers to it as taming of the tongue. (See the book of James if you want to understand that reference.) I know… the tongue is not what actually does the talking. The mind and the “heart” speak and the tongue, the lips, the teeth and the voice box spew it out there for people to see… I mean hear.
When looking for counsel on the way we speak to each other, I often go in and do a word search in the Book of Proverbs. That book has a LOT to say about how we should speak. But for this blog how does it apply in marriage?
Here are a couple of verses to consider:
Proverbs 15:1-4
“A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. “
Ever react to something that your spouse said and make things worse? I have struggled with this. We all get angry, but the way we express the anger is what matters most. Sometimes the gentle answer may take some time. Maybe the first few times you mess it up. Maybe you will have to gently respond several times before your spouse is able to calm down. It takes practice, but you can do it.
Let’s look at verse 2, “The tongue of the wise makes knowledge appealing, but the mouth of a fool belches out foolishness. “
Ouch….. Ok, too many times I have been the fool. You ever been around one of those people that have a really smelly burp? (Think Woody the Cowboy in Toy Story 2 when Al, the toy store owner burps in his face.) That is how you are to your spouse when you go saying stupid or mean things to them, It hurts… And often it takes some real effort to make amends. Especially with men speaking badly to their wives. Women tend to be more emotion based and will carry things in their hearts. It can drive a real wedge between spouses.
Skip to verse 4, “Gentle words are a tree of life; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.”
Think of the casualty of a crushed spirit. Is that you want for your spouse? Keep gentleness and honesty in your relationship. Honesty can be in what you say to the other person, but I think the most powerful honesty comes from being honest with yourself and how you think and treat your spouse. One of the keys to marriage is being able to love… be selfless… choose to love the other person even through their junk….. Tough.
This was the verse that rang through my mind when I was pulling this together, Proverbs 18:21, “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.”
Wow! That sounds pretty serious to me. In my own marriage, I could bring life or kill my wife by the words that I said to her. I know that I have to take that seriously. Build her up, or tear her down. What would God have me do? Obviously, build her up. I’m not perfect, but if you talk to my wife she will tell you that for the most part I build her up, I encourage her, I feed her ideas and dreams, I try to pull the best out of her…. And she does the same for me.
As I was just reading for this entry I was checking the context of the verse. If you have read Proverbs you know that sometimes there is a bit of a bouncing around that Solomon does, and it seems like he had ADD or something. But then I looked at the next verse…. SO life and death are in the tongue, and then this, “The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord.”
Amazing! If you build up your wife, and you cherish her, then you treat her like the treasure that God intended her to be. So great! Make your words match what you want your spouse to be. Do you want them to be bitter and angry and mean? Well treat them that way. Of course that wouldn’t be God’s way. Do you want then to be gentle and kind and patient…. (See 1 Corinthians 13)? Then love them. Pray for them. Pour into them…especially with your words.
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