Marriage is Tough

Marriage is tough. Anyone that has observed marriage from the outside has only scratched the surface as to what is inside it. I was listening to one of my favourite podcasts. The speaker was talking about when he was a young man in university. Somehow the topic marriage came up in his class. So he as an unmarried man offered an opinion. His professor asked him if he was married. He said no. His professor told him to sit down and be quiet, and that marriage is hard, and that an unmarried man could have no idea. Now, many years later, the speaker reflects on the conversation and says, “What do you know? He was right!” and then he laughs.



In the book, Billy Graham in Quotes, Rev. Graham has a section of quotations about marriage. Some are thought-provoking so I thought I would share some and share some of my own thoughts. (Where quotation marks appear these are from the book. It will probably be at the parts where the wisdom is.)

“Nothing brings more joy than a good marriage, and nothing brings more misery than a bad marriage.”

So true. This is something that people need to consider either while they are preparing for marriage or while they are building their marriage. What makes a good marriage? What makes a bad marriage? Is a good marriage only when things are easy? Is it when things are “wine and roses”? Or should marriage be like a cell phone plan, where you pick and choose what features you want and then if the provider doesn’t hold up their end of the deal perfectly you change providers?

To have a strong, long-lasting marriage, these quotations stood out to me.

“Marriage is a holy bond because it permits two people to help each other work out their spiritual destinies. God declared marriage to be good.”

Marriages truly are selfless. When you find that person that knows how to move you towards God, and that you are able to help move closer to God, your marriage is moving in the right direction. People underestimate that “The perfect marriage is a uniting of three persons—a man and a woman and God. That is what makes marriage holy.”

Mo marriage will be perfect all the time. “Gardens don’t grow by themselves; they need to be tended and cultivated and weeded. The same is true of marriage.” Both husband and wife must work out each issue together. “When a husband and wife are concerned about their own individual desires, the stage is set for conflict.”


From my observations I have seen several “Short-term” marriages. It’s sad. I think that the way people get to know their potential spouse really sets them up for divorce.

First, “If young people could only realize that a happy marriage depends not only on the present, but upon the past, they would be more reluctant to enter into loose, intimate relations with anyone and everyone.” Huge chunks of media focus on the extreme pursuit of sex. To many the sexual act is becoming the ultimate of human experience. But many that keep pursuing sex, they find it empty, and the more the pursue, the more they want, the less it satisfies. It becomes an addiction. For women it seems to be about the affection. For many men it is about the immediate selfish gratification. All will not truly experience the fullness until they have a healthy marriage anchored by God.

Also, I shudder to think about how things will be for this new generation. I watch their interaction with the opposite sex and it is disgusting. A group of about 8 boys gathered around the house of a young teen girl. She is talking down to them from her bedroom window. The young men strut around, spew foul language in sentences that I think were designed to get her attention. She is all giggly and impressed about getting this kind of attention from them.

What is the product of this kind of thing? “Thousands of young couples go through with a loveless marriage because no one ever told them what a genuine love is. If people today knew that kind of love, the divorce rate would be sharply reduced.” So many people don’t really experience someone that truly loves them. Parents are divorcing, leaving (often) single mothers to work hard and have latch-key kids have little guidance. Internet is becoming a form of parent. Chatrooms are often where friends are. Friends and peers are raising each other. If they get to the idea of marriage, often it is based on emotion, but not love.

“Marriage is the most serious long-term contract a couple will make in their lifetime, but many enter into it with a lack of maturity and knowledge. The growing number of divorces shows how imperative it is that young people be adequately prepared for marriage.” With no parental models, and a lack of understanding of morality and what love is, there is no preparation for marriage. They go from one dating relationship to the next, breaking it off when they don’t like it anymore, or when the relationship had run its course. Then they get married and a crisis happens, and they break it off because that is what they know.


Intimacy in marriage is so important. Sex alone is not intimacy. It really is about how much you open up to your spouse emotionally and spiritually. DO you trust them? Sometimes there is reluctance to open up between the two for whatever reason. Sometimes hurt happens. Sometimes joy happens. Sometimes healing happens. Sometimes I think that divorce happens because no one will humble themselves and “I’m sorry”. “My wife often said that ‘a good marriage consists of two good forgivers.’”

Keep the lines of communication open. In a healthy marriage you should be able to talk to your spouse about anything. “I have been asked the question, ‘Who do you go to for counsel, for spiritual guidance?’ My answer: My wife. She is the only one I completely confide in.” Once those lines of communication shut down, problems can happen.

Most important: “As a husband and wife, to have a happy life together, you must have confidence and respect, and must have substantial agreement in your faith.” That last part is the thing that I see as the pivotal point of Christian marriage. “Substantial agreement in your faith”. A young couple gets married, both professing to be Christians. Something happens and one of the two decides that they are not going to keep following Christ. Or the two marry while they are not Christians and then one of them chooses to become a Christian and the other is not interested. Some people make it work. For some others the difference causes a breakdown of the marriage.

Marriage is a risk. There are a lot of things wrapped up in those two small words… I DO. Strive to keep God in your marriage. Live up to the vows of the big day. It won’t be easy, but it is worth it.