"I Look for love in your eyes"

My wife ran into this post on a blog she reads. I read it and wanted to share the poem with you. There are too many stories out there about marriages ruined by pornography, and this was the reflections of a wife speaking to her husband about his issues. It's a little graphic so be warned. I'll post the link at the end so you can go see the full blog post.


God, let there be more people willing to address this issue straight on:



“I Looked For Love in Your Eyes.”

I saved my best for you.
Other girls may have given themselves away,
But I believed in the dream.
A husband, a wife, united as one forever.

Nervous, first time, needing assurance of your love,
I looked for it in your eyes
Mere inches from mine.
But what I saw made my soul run and hide.


Gone was the tenderness I’d come to know
I saw a stranger, cold and hard
Distant, evil, revolting.
I looked for love in your eyes
And my soul wept.


Who am I that you cannot make love to me?
Why do I feel as if I’m not even here?
I don’t matter.
I’m a prop in a filthy play.
Not an object of tender devotion.


Where are you?


Years pass
But the hardness in your eyes does not.
You think I’m cold
But how can I warm to eyes that are making hate to someone else
Instead of making love to me?


I know where you are.
I’ve seen the pictures.
I know now what it takes to turn you on.
Women…people like me
Tortured, humiliated, hated, used
Discarded.
Images burned into your brain.
How could you think they would not show in your eyes?


Did you ever imagine,
The first time you picked up a dirty picture
That you were dooming all intimacy between us
Shipwrecking your marriage
Breaking the heart of a wife you wouldn’t meet for many years?


If it stopped here, I could bear it.
But you brought the evil into our home
And our little boys found it.
Six and eight years old.
I heard them laughing, I found them ogling.


Hands bound, mouth gagged.
Fisheye photo, contorting reality
Distorting the woman into exaggerated breasts.
The haunted eyes, windows of a tormented soul
Warped by the lens into the background,
Because souls don’t matter, only bodies do
To men who consume them.


Little boys
My little boys
Laughing and ogling the sexual torture
Of a woman, a woman like me.
Someone like me.

An image burned into their brains.


Will their wives’ souls have to run and hide like mine does?
When does it end?

I can tell you this. It has not ended in your soul.
It has eaten you up. It is cancer.
Do you think you can feed on a diet of hatred
And come out of your locked room to love?


You say the words, but love has no meaning in your mouth
When hatred rules in your heart.
Your cruelty has eaten up every vestige of the man
I thought I was marrying.
Did you ever dream it would so consume you
That your wife and children would live in fear of your rage?


That is what you have become
Feeding your soul on poison.

I’ve never used porn.
But it has devastated my marriage, my family, my world.


Was it worth it?

http://www.challies.com/quotes/i-looked-for-love-in-your-eyes

Things never to say to your wife...

In the interest of promoting a healthy marriage, here are some suggestions from Tim Hawkins:

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DiK2OakMoW_c%26feature%3Drelated&h=770fa

Real Love Affirms

I ran across this little idea reading Unshakeable Faith, by Josh and Sean McDowell (Page 178). I have heard the idea before, but I still struggle to do what he is suggesting.



Under the heading, “Real Love Affirms” it reads:


“One day Dottie came home from a meeting at school very hurt over what some mothers had said about one of our kids. In the past when she shared a problem like that with me, I would leap on the situation and say something like, ‘Honey, don’t let it get to you. Here’s what you need to do.’ Then I would outline a plan to fix the problem. It may have been a good plan, but it didn’t address the pain Dottie felt at the moment. But on this particular occasion, I finally got it right. I simply put my arms around her and said, ‘Honey, I’m so sorry that you had to hear those words, and I hurt for you.’ That was it—no fix-it plan, no corrective measures outlined, just a heartfelt expression that identified with her pain.



Amazingly, it worked. Dottie felt affirmed and understood, and that was all she needed at the moment. A few days later she came back to me and asked what I thought she could do to address those critical comments about the family member. My fix-it plan was then welcomed.



We don’t have to understand exactly what a person is going through in order to give them affirming love.”



Especially with men and their wives… Men try to solve the problem, when often all they need to do is listen and be there for their wives to feel what they are feeling. Guys, be aware of this. Love your wives the way they need to be loved, not the way you want to love them. Love is about what you can do for them, not about being the superhero there to save the day.



Just some thoughts.