Marriage and Communication...

Communication is a key to marriage. It is something that can be strong with a lot of nurturing, or can breakdown with very little effort at all. Like anything else that is worth doing, it takes effort and practice.


This is one of the ways that God’s design for the differences between men and women shows itself. Men tend to think in a way that wants to solve the problem. Women tend to think and speak in a way that comes from their emotions. Men seem to be conditioned by our culture to feel happy or angry… nothing else. Women feel better just to talk something out… not necessarily solve the problem.

Someone could say the same thing to a man and then to a woman. To the man it might not be that big of a deal and he shrugs it off, like a small stone on a rhinoceros. Say the same thing to a woman and it can be like the same small rock, but on the back of a butterfly. It could crush her.

My purpose is not to try to make one way of thinking better or worse than the other. I am just noting a difference. Of course all people have different things that have acted on them and influence how they think and reason and feel. That being said, communication is so much more about listening than it is about speaking. Some have quipped that we have two ears and one mouth so we should listen twice as much as we speak.

Especially in marriage, the time we spend with our spouse should be about active listening. If you think that you might not have understood something, ask them questions to clarify. Sometimes if a topic is delicate, lead in with something that gives your spouse a minute to brace themselves, like, “I have something important to talk to you about.”

Be careful about the words that you choose. Most people are sensitive to your words. People that are more emotional (men or women) could react to words spoken badly. It takes effort to learn to respond to what is being said rather than react. Women, if your man says something to you that could be interpreted two ways and one of them is mean or insensitive… we meant the other one.

Ultimately, all of this comes down to people learning to speak and listen in love. Yelling things in anger or saying things with intent to hurt are not things that should be in Christian marriage. We all choose what to say, and sometimes we say something that we know we shouldn’t have. Surrender. Submit to each other in love and make things right. Forgive. Sometimes fights don’t resolve themselves because no one wants to humble themselves and say that they are sorry.

Communication is an art that is worth pursuit.

Thoughts?